#1 Dear TLD - Ten Years Too Long
“I’ve been with my partner for ten years and we have never spoken about getting married. I feel like every time I bring it up he brushes it aside and tries to avoid talking about it.
I come from a pretty traditional family and it’s getting awkward dodging their marriage questions all the time! What should I do?”
Ten Years Too Long,
There is a lot to unpack here so we’re going to be skipping the pleasantries and inspiring action.
These are the questions I’d be asking:
How important is marriage to you? Yes, YOU! Not your family. You. In the grand scheme of general life happiness, if marriage is up there then yeah, this could be a big deal. But if not, make a list of the things that are going to contribute to your happiness because in the end, if you’re not happy - what’s the point?
Consider why he might be avoiding it - did his own parents have a nasty divorce? Is he worried about the financial commitment of a big wedding? Does he feel pressured that he might not be able to meet your family’s expectations? If you answer yes to any of these, consider these issues when visiting the idea with him.
Reframe it in a way that you both understand - lock in a date night/love meeting where you’re not tired after a day at work and lay it all on the table in a civilised, loving and considerate way. State your position and simply ask whether this is something he is interested in doing or even talking about. Catch people at a good time and they’re often more than happy to listen to what you’ve got to say.
If you’re getting the same evasive response, we’re dealing with a much bigger challenge - unclear communication.
Quick summary - do some internal work, consider his perspective and bring these considerations to light in a respectful and courteous manner. I think you’ll know pretty soon what his position is.
Good luck!
XX TLD